we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
