I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
