If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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