Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
4 words: hood of his car
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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