I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
