Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Are we still banned from the library?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
