I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize