We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
