Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
