This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
