i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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