im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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