I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
