if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
