I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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