I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
