Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
