I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
