Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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