I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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