You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
