You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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