What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
