you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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