His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize