i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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