You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
