Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
