I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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