So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he thought i was a dude.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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