Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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