The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
