dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
