Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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