How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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