Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
