...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
