Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
