I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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