apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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