Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
