Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
