Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize