Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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