He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
