I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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