Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
