legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
