Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
