i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
