Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
