I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize