Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you win again, gameday.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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