oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just want to make out with him forever
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
