I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
