fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize