I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
