My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
