I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
