: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
