i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We left the knife in your bed.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
