it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
how drunk are you?
Several
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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