So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Do vagina's smell?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
