At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
