wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
you had me at cake vodka
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
