True but thats because hes a fetus.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
